Dear Dr. Bleedingheart,

Help!  It’s February and I’m going crazy!  The days are short, the sky is grey, and the garden is buried under dirty, slushy snow.  I’ve become so irritable and downtrodden myself that even my best friends can’t stand to be around me.  Winter has seriously gotten me down.  Do you have any ideas for helping frustrated gardeners get through the long, dismal winter?

Signed,

Snowbound

Dear Snowbound,

As it happens, I do have a suggestion for gardeners who are feeling weighed down by the short, gloomy days of February.  It’s called Puerto Vallarta.  Seriously, honey, pack your bags and get out of town.  It’s warm down there, the bougainvillea is blooming, and the papaya trees are fruiting. What you need is a margarita and a beach chair.

You thought I was going to suggest that you read a seed catalog or force some paperwhite bulbs indoors, didn’t you?  No! Screw the seed catalogs. If this were 1910 I’d be telling you to read a seed catalog and sprout a bulb on a windowsill.  But this isn’t 1910, is it?  We live in a modern era of cheap jet travel, and for this we should be grateful.  Find yourself a recession-friendly travel package to Mexico, Hawaii, or even Miami.  Throw a mystery novel and a sarong in a bag, and go to a place where they’ve got real plants in bloom.  Life is short; avail yourself of the pleasures of the tropics. Trust me, you won’t regret it.  Gather ye coconuts while ye may.

Amy Stewart is the author of From the Ground Up: The Story of a First Garden, The Earth Moved: On the Remarkable Achievements of Earthworms, and the New York Times bestsellers Flower Confidential: The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful in the Business of Flowers and Wicked Plants: The Weed That Killed Lincoln’s Mother & Other Botanical Atrocities. Find more from her at Garden Rant.

Submit your own horticultural question to Dr. Bleedingheart by emailing it to: katie [at] algonquin [dot] com

Dear Dr. Bleedingheart,

Should I worry that crickets have decided to move into my basement this winter? Thankfully, they are rather polite tenants and respectful of quiet hours. Although generally nondestructive, they are eating the cat food, which shows some poor judgment on their part – without an ample supply of Friskies, the cats very well might turn to crickets for their morning snack. Is the cat food just the start? Will they soon terrorize my basement like a 7-year locust, or are they simply harmless crickets looking for a place to stay when it gets chilly?

Dr. Bleedinghart, should I let them stay through the winter months, or would I be better off kicking them out on the cold, hard curb?

Signed,
Chirping Worried

Dear Chirping,

Never fear.  Some people love the sound of crickets chirping.  Some people believe crickets bring good luck.  Some people feel that the natural sounds of the world—the crickets, the foxes, the wind and the rain—are the most peaceful and soothing sounds one could hear while falling asleep.  I don’t suppose you’d be one of those people, would you?

If you’re not, that’s okay.  It’s your house; you should get to decide who lives there.  Just be glad we’re dealing with crickets, not unemployed in-laws looking for a place to stay until they get back on their feet.  As uninvited guests go, crickets are both harmless and easy to get rid of.

Start by sealing up any cracks or gaps in windows, walls, doorways, and so forth.  Then walk around the house and see if you have any cricket condos right up against the walls.  Stacks of firewood, piles of bricks or stones, and weeds and grass around the foundation might be inviting crickets inside.

And if you still hear chirping after you’ve tried those changes?  Get simple, non-toxic glue traps at the hardware store or garden center.  Put them down near the source of the chirping, and pile a little cornmeal in the center of each trap. Within a couple days, the crickets should be glued helplessly down.  What happens next is up to you.

And seriously, about the in-laws:  unemployment’s on the rise, and everybody’s broke after the holidays.  This is a good time to make it known that your guest room is infested with black mold and both your bathrooms are under renovation.  As with pest control, prevention is the best cure.  Good luck.

Amy Stewart is the author of From the Ground Up: The Story of a First Garden, The Earth Moved: On the Remarkable Achievements of Earthworms, and the New York Times bestsellers Flower Confidential: The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful in the Business of Flowers and Wicked Plants: The Weed That Killed Lincoln’s Mother & Other Botanical Atrocities. Find more from her at Garden Rant.

Submit your own horticultural question to Dr. Bleedingheart by emailing it to: katie [at] algonquin [dot] com

Dear Dr. Bleedingheart,

My girlfriend and I are about to spend our first Christmas together, and already we’re having problems.  She insists on getting a real tree, not to mention garlands, wreaths, mistletoe, and just about any other living thing she can get her hands on.  I say we should get an artificial tree, or just not have one at all, before we allow a tree to be cut down in the forest. I thought she was a pretty eco-friendly gal, but now I’m beginning to wonder.  What’s next, an SUV and a plastic water bottle?

Signed,
I’m Dreaming of a Green Christmas

Dear Dreaming,

Ah, the clash of holiday traditions.  And to think you haven’t even made it to food, in-laws, or the age-old Johnny Mathis vs. Perry Como debate. (Personally, I’m a Dean Martin girl no matter the season.)

The good news is that your girlfriend isn’t quite as anti-environment as you might think.  Christmas trees don’t come out of forests; they come from tree farms, where they are grown in rows the same way you’d grow corn or tomatoes. And a tree farm can be a surprisingly Earth-friendly operation: remember that young, growing trees sequester quite a bit of carbon from the atmosphere. Supporting your local tree farmer can be every bit as worthwhile as supporting your local beet farmer.

And believe it or not, organic Christmas trees are available.  Go to GreenPromise.com (http://www.greenpromise.com/resources/organic-christmas-trees.php) for a list of organic tree farms in 22 states.

But if the idea of a dead tree in the living room is too much to take, consider a live tree in a pot.  Ask the friendly people at your local garden center to help you choose a variety that will do well year-round in your climate, and remember that potted trees get heavy.  Don’t try it unless you have an easy way to wheel it in and out of the house as the seasons change.

And remember that a little flexibility around the holidays can be a go a long way. If she’s a Southerner, you’re going to eat a bite of black-eyed peas on New Year’s Day whether you like it or not.  Look at it this way:  if the black-eyed peas themselves don’t bring you luck, making your girlfriend happy surely will.

Amy Stewart is the author of From the Ground Up: The Story of a First Garden, The Earth Moved: On the Remarkable Achievements of Earthworms, and the New York Times bestsellers Flower Confidential: The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful in the Business of Flowers and Wicked Plants: The Weed That Killed Lincoln’s Mother & Other Botanical Atrocities. Find more from her at Garden Rant.

Submit your own horticultural question to Dr. Bleedingheart by emailing it to: christinag [at] algonquin [dot] com

Dear Dr. Bleedingheart,

Every autumn, the same recurring problem creeps into my marriage. Actually, it creeps into my house and spins a web in the kitchen window. My husband, you see, is a spider fanatic, and as far as he’s concerned, any eight-legged creature who strolls into our house is a welcome guest.

Now, I’m not advocating the wholesale massacre of bugs. I’m more of the sweep-them-out-with-a-newspaper type myself. I’ve even mastered the fine art of inverting a glass over a bumblebee and sliding a magazine underneath so that it can be safely transported to the nearest shrubbery. But this fascination with spiders is too much.

Giant orange-brown spiders show up in our kitchen every year around this time, as if they’ve been ordered up for Halloween. My husband is fascinated by these spiders and spends hours watching them build their webs in our kitchen windows. I’ve even seen him trap flies and toss them into the web just to watch the spiders eat. I’ll admit they’re interesting creatures; I’d just like them to spin their webs outside. Is that too much to ask?

Thanksgiving is coming, and I really don’t want my guests to find out that we have live bugs living in the kitchen where I’m making their stuffing. Also, the spiders seem to be getting bigger every day. I’m afraid they might be the size of the turkey itself by then. Please advise.

Signed,
Just Not That Into Spiders

Dear Just Not That Into,

As a writer, let me thank you for reminding the world that print publications still have some utility. Try shooing out a spider with the digital edition of the Times!

Now, I have good news for you. First, you’re married to a kind and compassionate fellow with a Charles Darwin-esque fascination with the natural world. He’s in good company. David Sedaris, for instance, has a well-known fondness for spiders and has been known to keep a few as pets. Think of yourself as being sort of like David’s partner Hugh, indulgent up to a point but ready to step in when things get out of hand.

And in fact, they have gotten out of hand. I suspect that your arachnid guest is a harmless, nonaggressive European garden spider, also known as a cross spider, easily identified by the white dots on the back forming the shape of a cross. Given the season and the rate at which they are growing, what you have on your hands is a house full of very pregnant female spiders. Please let your husband know that the only compassionate thing to do is to move them gently outside before they all go into labor.  The last thing you need is hundreds of hungry baby spiders in search of dinner while you’re making the cranberry sauce. Escort them gently outside and enjoy your holidays in peace.

Amy Stewart is the author of From the Ground Up: The Story of a First Garden, The Earth Moved: On the Remarkable Achievements of Earthworms, and the New York Times bestsellers Flower Confidential: The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful in the Business of Flowers and Wicked Plants: The Weed That Killed Lincoln’s Mother & Other Botanical Atrocities. Find more from her at Garden Rant.

Submit your own horticultural question to Dr. Bleedingheart by emailing it to: christinag [at] algonquin [dot] com